Into Remus' Mind
by Elivander
Summary: 'My name is Remus Lupin. I am a werewolf.' Some thoughts Remus might have had in his mind during sixth year. A diary entry of sorts.


My name is Remus Lupin. I am a werewolf. My friends are James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. They call me Moony. They are Animagi so we call the Prongs, Padfoot and Wormtail. They come with me during each full moon, and we walk around the grounds or Hogsmeade. That's how we came to make the Marauder's Map. We signed it with our nicknames so people wouldn't know it was us. James and Sirius are the cleverest in the year, so it was good to have their help. James is really arrogant though, but Sirius seems to really like him, so that's okay. Peter just really adores James and Sirius, which is a bit strange, and it can get a bit annoying. It's almost the summer holidays, and I don't really want to go home. Or at least I really with I had my friends with me during the full moon. I get really lonely without them, I'm more myself with them around. I'm in Gryffindor, and in sixth year. It's only us four in our dormitory, so no one misses us at full moons. Well, not unless you count Lily Evans, she's always snooping around, but she's good natured. James absolutely loves her, it's so funny. He always shows off when she's around...well, more than usual. Sirius just finds it hilarious, he won't stop making fun of James. Peter doesn't care, he just loves James because he's so brave. Yeah right. Peter just loves anyone that can protect him. He's so silly. I don't even know why he's our friend. No, that's mean. We do like Peter, it's just sometimes he's a bit...I don't know. Oh well. He's still our friend.

James and Sirius are best friends, obviously; they're closer than brothers. Sirius even lives with James now, but he ran away from home because of his parents or something. Only James knows the full story, and his parents, obviously. It's quite awkward walking past Regulus in the corridor and seeing him at mealtimes. I think Regulus is a bit jealous Sirius because he's so popular. Everyone loves him, even all the teachers even though he always gets detention. Sometimes I get one too, but only because it's so funny. I guess I shouldn't get so many detentions because I'm Prefect, but McGonagall doesn't seem to mind. Even Dumbledore doesn't, but then again, he trusts everyone. He even let me into Hogwarts even though I'm a werewolf. What was I saying? Oh, yes, about the detentions. Dumbledore doesn't even know what we get up to on full moons, and that the others are Aminagi. Oh well, I can't think about that now.

I took my OWLs last year. I got 7 in all, and 4 of them were Os. James and Sirius got 5 Os. Peter didn't get any Os. Only Es. When I leave Hogwarts, I don't know what to do because of my furry little problem. I don't think many people would want me to work them. James wants to be an Auror, but his family's so rich he could just live off his parents' money. He so rich! He's so rich, he makes Sirius look like Snivellus. No, he make Snivellus look like a rat. No offence to Peter. But I thought Sirius had a nice house, even if it was a bit odd. And his house-elf kept on looking at me oddly, as did his parents. Oh well. But then we came back to Hogwarts and everything was all right again.

We only have a year left here. I don't know what to do at full moons. Hopefully we'll all stay friends. James and Sirius obviously will. They're like brothers. Sirius hates Regulus. He's everything Sirius isn't. He loves the Black name, and proud of his family, but Sirius isn't. The only Black to be in Gryffindor. He got a Howler when his parents found out. He didn't care though. Sirius is great. I'm a half-blood, James and Sirius and pure and Peter's a half-blood too. Lily's a Muggle-born, and when she came here she was best friend with Snivellus. I can't believe that. He hates Muggle-borns. But their friendship ended last year when he called her a Mudblood. James was bullying him, and Lily came over to stop him, but Snape got upset and shouted at her. I think Snape still fancies her, though. Who wouldn't? She's really pretty and has really nice eyes. All green and almond shaped. Ugh, I'm starting to sound like James. I don't know much about Peter actually. He's really quiet and shy. A bit like me I suppose. But he's shyer. Doesn't even answer questions in class. I think sometimes that he just hangs around with us so he can be protected. I think he's the one we won't stay with after school. I hope we do though, but I'd choose James and Sirius over him. James and Sirius are really nice and quite protective. When they feel someone being mean to me or trying to find out my secret, they just hex them. It's quite nice, really. On the night of the full moon, they leave me by myself before I go down to Madam Pomfrey. I love it when they do that. But then they sneak down in James' Invisibility Cloak and join me. They are such great friends. I'm really lucky to have them, because some people will just ignore me because of what I am. But not James and Sirius and Peter. I always wonder where James got his Cloak from. We've asked him a couple of times, but he said his dad gave it to him. It's really old apparently. It's like that one in the Tale of the Three brothers. Maybe he's a descendant from the third brother. He is a pure-blood, and his name's really old. As old a Sirius' even.

We had a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher again this year. Every year we have one. People say the job's cursed because no one stays longer than a year. I wonder how it started, and how it will end. Dumbledore probably knows. He knows everything. It's quite scary, actually, but he trusts everyone. I love Dumbledore, and no one gets why apart from James, Sirius and Peter. Everyone else thinks I'm really strange, especially when I refused to fight that Boggart, because I never speak to teachers like that. Never. Everyone was asking me about it for weeks, but James and Sirius told everyone to back off. It would of course be a full moon. All the other teachers heard about it, even Dumbledore, but he didn't mind. McGonagall told me I can't use what I am as an excuse not to do things in class, but then Dumbledore told her it was okay. He really understood, and that's what I love about Dumbledore. When all that died down, and whenever I got detention, McGonagall always asked me why I got it. I don't really like her. I know she means well, but she doesn't really understand me. James and Sirius swear they're going to get her one day. Good.

There's a full moon coming soon, I can feel it. I need to check what we're doing this time. I hope we go into Hogsmeade, we haven't been there in a while. Well, I went there last week, but not as a wolf. It's better going there as a wolf, because you don't have to worry about what time you get back. Well, as long as it's before breakfast. Or before someone finds you. We usually sleep in the Shrieking Shack, all four of us. Then James, Sirius and Peter go before Madam Pomfrey comes. I hate it when there's a full moon during the week, because we have to go to class the next day, and sometimes I fall asleep. Usually teachers just leave me alone, but one or two don't. That's not fair, because I can't help it. I can't help what I am. I can't control the moon. Loads of people look at me when I sleep in class, because they just think I'm being rebellious. They don't believe that I, Remus Lupin, could ever fall asleep in class. The teachers do take pity on me, because they can understand why I'm so tired. All the others just don't get why the teachers don't pick on me when I sleep. Once, I started snoring, and everyone started laughing until James got really upset and hexed everyone. I love James. But the week before is the worst. I get really irritated and mad for the littlest things. No one knows why, but James, Sirius and Peter do, so they leave me alone. No one gets why they do this, because usually you don't see me without them. It's quite funny actually, because people think we've had a fight or something because I always sit on my own away from everyone else. Sometimes people come up to me, usually Lily, and ask me if I'm okay. Sometimes I shout at them then James or Sirius runs over and see if I'm okay. I always eat loads too. People usually notice this and say something. But I just ignore them. Dumbledore always talks to me too, asking me if I'm okay and about how it's going. I always say the same thing; that I'm fine and that it's going fine and that my friends are there for me. It does get annoying sometimes.

James still thinks he's got a chance with Lily, but we've given up on disagreeing with him. Just lettering him find out he doesn't have a chance with her for himself. I can't believe he thinks he has a chance with Lily. She's been turning him down for a year now. When she sees him, she just says 'No, Potter, I will not go out with you.' It's quite sad really, but funny at the same time. Sirius and I always make fun of him after, but we don't mean it. Well, I don't. I think Sirius does. He's quite secretive too. Sirius. He doesn't mention his family much, only when he says how much he hates them. I don't blame him, I would too if I had a family like his. He ran away this summer. Went to James', obviously. But his parents didn't mind one bit. Of course not. James' family is great. He's really lucky, he's really rich and everyone he meets likes him, even if he's a bit arrogant. Well, Lily doesn't like him. She shouted at him after our Defence Against Arts OWL. She told him to leave Snape alone, but he called her a Mudblood, so James shouted at Snape, but Lily shouted at James. It was quite funny after a while, but even Sirius didn't make fun of him because he could tell how upset James was by it. Even the teachers could tell something was wrong. Even the teachers could tell something was wrong. Some even thought it was my fault, because the full moon was coming and he was avoiding me. McGonagall even asked me about it, until I told her it wasn't my fault. She left me alone after that for good, so it was okay in the end, but James still hasn't given up on Lily. I think she'll like him one day, if she doesn't already. But who knows.

Voldemort's still at large, and people are disappearing by the day. There's always bad news in the Prophet – someone's relatives dying or someone getting sent to Azkaban. I feel this isn't the worst he's going to get though. He could get loads worse in a couple of years. I hope none of my friends or I dies at the hands of Voldemort or his Death Eaters. Everyone says Voldemort only fears Dumbledore, but I don't know why. I wonder who will stop Voldemort once and for all. I hope I live to see Voldemort defeated. I hope James, Sirius, Peter and Lily live to see him defeated too. I hope none of us die early, so that we don't get any kids or anything. Or so that we die when our kids are growing up and don't get to see them off to Hogwarts. That would be sad. It would also be sad if only one or two of us die, and if they have kids and we have to watch them grow up like a constant reminder of them. I think that's what would be the worst thing. I cant even bear to think of James, Sirius or Peter dying. It would be horrible. Or to find your classmates have been tortured into insanity by other classmates, or Kissed, or something equally horrible. For someone you know to be another one in the newspapers. That would be terrible. I would hate to watch someone die, especially if you know them, just standing there helpless. I haven't been in any battles, and I don't intend to either, but that's the way I would want to die, in battle, fighting bravely like a man. James and Sirius say that too, but I really mean it. I'm starting to get upset now, thinking of everyone dying. It's hard. I really don't want any of my family to die, I love them even if they don't as much. I know Sirius always wants his parents to get out of his life so he can be free, but then he still has his brother. I don't have any brothers or sisters, so he doesn't know how lucky he is, even if his brother is a freaky family loving guy. He's the exact opposite of Sirius, you couldn't even tell they were brothers. James and Sirius seem more like brothers than Sirius and Regulus. All of the teachers were really surprised when Sirius got Sorted into Gryffindor, they all expected him to go into Slytherin like the rest of his family. But Sirius was really happy and was friends with James straight away. I really wanted to be their friend, and Peter's too, but I didn't want them to find out about me. It took them a couple of years, but then they didn't mind and became Animagi. James and Sirius are really good at Transfiguration, so it only took them a couple of years. It was really good for them to do it and I'm glad they were still my friends after they found out. They're good friends though.

I'm going to stop writing now, because I have Potions to go to with the Slytherins. Anyway, James is calling for me so I'd better go.

***

**A/N: I wrote this at about 3am one night/morning when I was meant to be sleeping. I don't know how I came to write so much, all these thoughts and feelings tumbled into my mind and they felt really natural as I doodled mindlessly. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. I enjoyed writing it. Please review! :D **


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